As is pretty much the case every week, I had trouble thinking of a topic for this column. Nowadays, my brain pretty much revolves around poopy diapers, the new addition to my house, and the timing of my next nap. But, now that we’re at the turn of the New Year, I got to thinking about New Year’s resolutions. After all, what’s more fun than feeling depressed about the year you just wasted and instilling in yourself false hope about the next? Am I right?
But here’s the thing. I don’t make New Year’s resolutions. I’m not one of those people who thinks that I’m “too cool for school,” I just never keep the resolutions. Therefore, I don’t bother any more. But man oh man, a resolutions column would be so cheap and easy. SO cheap and SO easy. It takes all the creativity of a top ten list and I could just hammer one out and get back to figuring out how to make all my old PC peripherals work with Windows Vista.
So this is what I am going to do. I am going to give all of you a New Year’s resolution. That’s right. I’m turning this one around. “May he who is without sin cast the first stone,” you might say. Well, in terms of this resolution, my conscience is clean.
I need all of you, starting right now, to stop caring so much about your opponents at the poker table. Now, I don’t mean to go so far as to sit there and stare as the guy in seat four chokes on a radish from his salad (the sad irony here is that said player made the resolution to stop eating like a poker player). By all means, save his life. What I do mean is that you need to stop acting as if everything that you don’t agree with in a poker game is a personal affront.
Too many times, I see some table captain berate another player for his “poor play.” How dare he call his re-raise with J-10! How dare he! And to lose when he was a favorite after the flop, well that’s just a slap in the face. Well, it’s time to quit it.
Look, you may be a better player than the donkey next to you. Your mind may work on levels that most of us can’t even fathom. But if somebody wants to play J-7 suited out of position on a regular basis, fine. That’s his right. If you put your money down on the table and are dealt cards, you are allowed to play however you would like, within the rules of course. Seriously, who cares? Let the gentleman put $400 into a $20 pot. It’s his money. Some people just play to have fun. Some people like trying different strategies. Some people are just figuring out the game. That is their business.
There are more important things in life to worry about than why the guy with the “I’ve Got the Nuts” t-shirt plays 10-5 every time because “it can make every possible straight.”
Just because someone doesn’t stick to just premium hands and raise three times the big blind every time doesn’t mean he is personally attacking you. Losing a pot does not make you less of a man. You play your way, he’ll play his, she’ll play hers, and I’ll play mine.
In fact, you should welcome the “how do I know if it’s a good hand until I see the flop” guy with open arms. Wide open arms. These are the types of players that have the potential to send your child to college. Yeah, he’s going to hit that gut-shot draw on you sometimes, or surprise you with some random two pair, but more often than not, you’ll get the best of him. Get to be his buddy at the table. Make him feel good about losing to you because you’re such a nice guy (by the way, ladies, I don’t mean to exclude you, but not only is it easier to just refer to all the players as males, but typically, the loudmouth know-it-alls are men). Marvel aloud at how sneaky and tough of a player he is when he decides to play bottom pair to your increasing bets, only to suckout on the river.
As you stop caring so much about the other players at the table, you’ll be amazed at how much more you enjoy poker. It’s a game, after all, and can actually be fun. And the upshot of it all is that as you stop focusing on the silly things, you can start focusing on the important aspects of the game and perhaps actually play better. Then you can relax more, lower your blood pressure, and uphold that resolution to get healthier this year. For once.
